underthoughts

.No. I don't have to publish this. I love this house. Might've just called it Charlie.  I love the colors of the walls, the wind in our trees, the big windows in the living room, the way my roommates are spread over the place, napping like felines. There is something magic in the view from the yellow hammock, currently giving trial to the name Lemony Snickett. Let me tell you about that view. It's got by blue jeans, my green nail-polished toes, the deep yellow ropes, a bar of dark rosey wood, the dark green and purple of the periwinkle, the peeling white paint of the old tipsy shed, then rising up the greens and silvers of the trees lit up with a soft yellow from the sun sparkling through against the blue of the sky. Life's soundtrack grows ever more enchanting here. Tonight we head to the lake with Chinese food. Check that moment off, though it's not the same without the originator, but she's good. Great even.  More than anything I wanted to go jump a train today. I better do that in the next few years, because I'm bound to get more practical. ...though the radical is still there, like a sleeper cell. I suppose part of it is just wanting the adrenaline rush, and the accomplishment of getting on. It's a big part. But I want to ride through the country side, those big doors thrown open, and the warmth of the day lightened by the air rushing past. I want to see the fields, green and golden. And then I want to jump off and land running before the cops can get me, because their never gonna get me. Eat it boys.
    And there's another thing too. I want a broader perspective. I'm so self centered. So self focused. So caught up inside my own head. A man cleverly pointed out the other day, that every person on earth had a completely different set of experience than I do. Even people I've been close with, even when we stood side by side, we stand apart in our feelings, thoughts, backgrounds, even body's.
    I am continually surprised by my ego. Even now, talking about myself, talking like I know. I don't have the answers. I just don't. I expostulate plenty. But the truth is, I don't know, and I don't know where to go to find out.

   So tell me instead: Who are you?

   
Life flies by. Yeah. It does. But it does beautiful. Lightening and laughter. And round here we pack it in, because we're young enough to feel the freshness of it, and old enough to know that there isn't too much time.

Silver and Grey

I find thunder storms fascinating.

 (start here)

 I crave them like most ladies crave chocolate. Maybe more so. Hard blowing winds, dark shadows, all grey and purple and the clouds roll in against the western sunset. Changing winds and winds that change. 

The quiet moment, somehow stiller, just before the lightening bursts open the sky and thunder comes rolling over you like a wave. It's like a rest in the middle of a song, and then they come back with a vengeance, turn and building. That quiet moment of the storm gives you half a chance to prepare for what's coming your way.

 The trees sway, the rains come pattering down to a beat and the world opens up and speaks to you. What you find, well that's your own business Fredgar. 

I'm thinking the electricity of it is what's getting me, reaches up under my ribs and thumps my heart in that way.  I think God intended it that way. 

     I hope by now you've made it to Spoon, cause it goes so well with...well..

Yeah....we did. 

 I felt tough, I can tell you that much. 

Better than most days? 

Round here, probably just as good. 

Dark Rider on a Butch Horse

A lake, two girls, the night time, the sky.

some fish, much splashing, lots of laughs, one good cry.

A bicycle, a flashlight, singing and then,

a Dark Rider on a Butch Horse came trotting in.

The girls they fell silent, the fish wouldn't splash,

the bikeman's light went dark, hope he didn't crash.

For the Rider on the Butch horse came out on the dock,

and the look of his face made everything stop.

He seemed quite distracted, off in other place,

but deep sense of longing painted clear on his face.

The horse was a light one, white and cleaned off,

but it's rider a dark one, like a strong smelling quaff.

Still, he'd not been drinking on this starry night,

nor was he ailing to open a fight.

He stared deep the waters, for to see the cure,

yes, his heart was quite broken, after love had been pure.

And the girls, they both new it, as the man on the bike,

and the fish, and the dock, and the lake and star light.

They cried out, Please no further, for you'll surely drown,

but the man on the horse seemed to notice no sound.

The dock started cracking, the two girls moved fast,

as the rider dismounted and kept walking past.

He stared all the harder, at a watery star,

and on the edge of his breath came the words, So...so far.

When to his surprise, the man on the bike

knocked the cowboy right backwards, then turned on that bike light.

He said, Buddy, I've been there. I've seen what you've seen,

now you've got to keep going, not remain in this scene.

You and I, we're both travelers, though we take different ways,

and the love in your heart, it is true, always stays.

But there's more to see out there, along the bike trails and paths,

and the horse trails, so get going, but don't go too fast!

For along all the seaways and byways and sides,

there will be another, kind hearted, who rides.

 And when you meet up, she'll start going your way,

then, friend and traveler, look back on this day.

Despair and darkness will soon have you stuck,

but if you get up, and get riding, you will soon find some luck.

You've been taught a great lesson, and it won't be the last,

but you've got to get where you're getting, not stay stuck in what's past.

So the rider, stunned yet thankful, took back to the shore,

then our biker to a path he'd not ridden before.

And the girls ate chinese food, and shared with the fish,

because fish like chinese food. It's a good tasty dish.

Rain Dance Maggie

Dani California

Can't get enough of em. 

What Has it Ever Meant?

Can't even write about it kiddies. Once upon a time there was a kitten. It was black and cute and fuzzy, and could have been terribly fun to play with, except it was mean and mangy and diseased  so no one wanted it. Even the people who would have taken it to the vet so it could feel all better, wouldn't take it home because it would only hiss and scratch and bite. 

One day a child came by who was very patient and very kind. The child loved all animals. It had pity for the kitten. So the child came every day to see the kitten, and care for it. It hissed at the child, but the child came back. It scratched the child, but the child came back. It bit the child, but the child came back. The kitten was getting sicker and sicker, and the child knew it needed to see a vet, or it would die. So the child brought it home.

Seeing how wild and mean it could be, the child's parent did not trust the kitten. They were afraid it would bite the child, not knowing that it already had. So against the objections of the child, who wanted to keep the kitten and care for it, the parents put the kitten in a carrier and took it to a shelter.

In the office of the shelter a man came to take the kitten to the back. While the parents finished the paperwork loud noises came from the back as the man unsuccessfully tried to remove the kitten, who was growing rather larger, from the carrier. The child knew this was the problem, and went back to help. The kitten would hiss and scratch and bite and the man could not get it to move. He even tried shaking the carrier around, but the kitten wouldn't leave it. "Don't touch it", said the man, who wore a pair of thick leather gloves. But the child simply walked up to the carrier and gently picked up the kitten. The child quietly pet and comforted the kitten, who did not bite, or scratch, or hiss. The man and the child's parents made the child put the kitten a pen and leave it. Too late to change, too late to save the kitten.

The child learned that the only reason it was too late for the kitten,  was because the parents and the man thought it was too late. So the child decided that it would not give up on anyone, because it never wanted it to be too late.

Return to Sender

No reply today. But I heard this great song, Perfect Now, by Sarah Blasko. I wouldn't freeze time, because as good as things have been, there is only more to come. I wish there had been a bit more snow, but I look forward to the spring thunderstorms, I don't mind the birds being back so early, and though I don't know all that it will bring, summer is always an adventure.

Roots

We all come from somewhere, the products of our families, friends, choices and experiences.

 I was thinking about my dog today. He stayed with me through most of high school. I named the poor little fellow after a dog from a movie. My brothers and sisters wanted to keep Peach, the one that looked like she had some golden retriever in her. But as I was the youngest my parents let me choose, and I've always favored the underdogs. 

He was so good. His walk reminded me of a choochoo train and he was so patient and fun. He followed us around, and joined in on adventures. He was good herding chickens, and hunting gophers, and raising kittens. They would curl up right next to him like he was their own mother. He was so timid. I watched a newly captured wild kitten scratch him right on the nose once, and he just took a couple steps back. But no big dog or person who was under suspicion was big enough to make him back down.

 Once, after a good solid white washing from my brothers he came up and licked the tears off my face till it tickled so much I stopped crying and just laughed. 

He just popped in my head today. One more wonderful thing in life to be grateful for.

Gentlemen

They say a few good men are hard to find. But I'm known for being exceptionally lucky. And it seems the legends must be true, because I found a fair few. 

If there is one thing I'm not looking forward to about leaving, its this.

Lets do one more of these before I go.