walk along

 Life is about light, and what light you choose to see things in. Some pictures of interesting things are very dull, and some pictures of very dull things, can be rather interesting. It's really about the light. What light will you put your life in? It's the difference between best or worst days, friends or otherwise, happiness or sorrow. There is more beauty to be found. Focus on the good, and see the light.

 

better makings

sometimes your road gets closed off.

roads go a lot of places. there are so many roads, and so many ways to block them. snow drifts for instance. or basketball players. or construction workers slaping a building right in the middle of you field. some days there are alternate routes. other days there are alternate objectives. but then there is always the option of plowing straight through. you might lose your life for it. or at least your license. Clancy thought I should never have one anyway. Clancy is usually sedated though. clearly clance missed out. sometimes you've just got to make better makings of the blizzards than the snows estimations of your capablities. melt that ice and make your way. and if you can't melt, build a fort out of it.

 ...fort anyone?

Bite the Apple

Hope is not for easy times. The scriptures say that hope comes from faith, and becomes an anchor for our souls. Hope is for storms. Hope is for nights with no stars, and prayers with no answers. Hope is not vain. It comes of faith. Faith that if you act now, your prayers will be answered. 

you don't know enough to know what to ask.

  Inbetween molecules of oxegyn and carbon dioxide.

Only in dreams we see what it means.

And so it seems, only in dreams

I don't like being in charge. I'd almost prefer the leaderless mob. Won't you take lead? I'd really feel much better. Maybe the sinking in my stomach would go away. Maybe we would both think of me less as a jerk, and more as the girl over there, you know, with the red shoes.

My red shoes have almost no sole. But they sure do have soul. Feel the ground underneath your feet, every dip, crack and pebble. yo.

Sweet hat? I know. Life is all so much better. Chilling and whatnot. Work hard, play hard, and sleep whenever that ten minute window presents itself. Bring on the music, let in fill all those hurt spots and see if you don't come out a little brighter. Pray with all the heart you've got left. Stop worrying about others or self. Do good. Be good. Kindess may come back and explode all over you in a terrible way. But why worry about it. Kindness is too lovely to give up. So is music. The flow, the carrying of your heart. Melody merged with memory.

I like seeing you smile.

I know a woman with three kids. I love her. I am proud of her. I know a girl who gives up what she wants every time, for what God wants. Selfless. I know a boy who changed so fundamentally, because he believed God would help him change. There is no one I love more. I know a hill with my name on it. I went there for the sunsets. I know a hill far away from the other, covered in yellow flowers. I went there for the sunrises. There is a hill in my back yard, where the stars have shined brighter than all other nights in all other places for me. My grandmothers grew roses and raspberries. It takes a woman of faith to plant a seed. Laughter is the music that joy makes. Those women planted the seeds of joy, and laughter and rose smell wafted through our lives.

Sometime, we'll all come back together.

There, you have it now.

Take care not to mistake me for what I look like.

eye witness

the time is now 1:01. a minute ago it was 2:00.  lovely. and you may ask yourself, what is this girl doing up? the question is invalid. you would find you and that self much more well type informed if you asked a better question, such as, "how much radiation has this girl taken in the past two days?", " do microwaves really cause that much damage?" or "who let this kid out of her play pen?!?", cause I'm out. sometimes you just can't convice people that playing with you could be fun. so you can sit and stare at them while they don't play with you, or you can venture off to the open world despite the lack of friendly types. sure, I know, it's a lot less fun than playing with your friend, but it's a lot more fun that staring at your friend while they do their best to ignore you. besides, staring is creepy. and if you're going to be creepy, you might as well add lonely to the mix, it's a matchy sort of type. oh and by the way, there just always seems to be a reason to open the microwave, so you'd better unplug it before your brain goes numb.

hooking up the bungee cord

Too few or too many? What a dilemma. The worst is over. I took that worst and I smashed it. Right into that tree over yonder. Then I integrated it and smashed it some more. When it comes back around I'll either frame it or burn it. What else would you do with an old worst indeed? 

would you give a face like that a ticket? 

no. 

but you should have.

oh deceiving.

faith

It's very late. Or if you want to see the glass half full, rather early. Things are jumping around from too few to too many. But it's beautiful. The foo fighters are keeping me company while others nap. We never did get the corn to pop. But it turns out I'm pretty good with a telescope.

I'm so tired of days that feel like the night

actually it's quite the reverse for me. I love my night time.

"'It's me and the moon', she says."  It's been in my head all day. Well I've got no trouble with that. There are these singular souls that stick around for years and years to see you through all the stages. And one day they tell you about yourself. It's surprising to find that someone actually knows you. Knows the parts of you that are the best, and hardest to know. It's not that I want to be hard to get to know, it's just that I don't trust you. And I'm a little too easy to hurt. It's gotten over before you know it, so you never know it. And what you don't know, can't hurt you. But it might hurt me. I'm always a little nervous when I eat applesauce. You never know what you're going to get. But chances are it won't be chocolate. What a pity.

too much too soon

Woah, two posts in rapid succession. I don't know how to answer your questions. I don't even know what they are. But this I do know: I'm craving desert like nobody's business. Yes, desert. Not so much Arizona style with the pokies and the poisons. No, more like my desert, sagebrush and sunflowers. Greys and greens and golds. No friend, you don't know that desert with it's black dunes and deep caves. The water is there, hundreds of feet underground. But you'll find the waterfalls if you know where to look. The owls come out in the evenings. The sunset shows you the beauty of seeing something in it's best light. And once it's down, the stars repaint it all in silver and blue. Then the night music starts. There isn't anything else like it. Let me go and I'll get you a picture of it.

no more sleep

I've had enough to last a life time. 8 hours is just too much! A third of your life maybe, but not this chickens. I'm saying no. My foot is down. I'm claiming my right to an extra hour and a half of life today, tomorrow and forever. You can keep your pillow time. I'm getting up. I'm staying up. You and your mom can go put someone else to bed.

curiosity killed...

  

   This is important, really important. I want you to understand, that the most important things are usually the unimportant ones. I found a new spot today. There was some running water. a little place to jump across, thanks to an obliging rock, and a tree. A big tree. Now the secret that cottonwoods keep is a little star on the inside. Really, break it at the joint and take a look. It's a little "hello" to you from me.
    I can't convey to you the wonder of a well timed storm. A spread of lightening or a thundering boom gives me good reason to draw breath. With air clear like that I feel freer. Dark grey just makes it all greener. Next time you're cutting down  a cottonwood call me. I want to see if there is a star in the trunk.

Colds

    

they mess with my head.  I can't seem to tell what year it is, or how old I am. its a season of life, much like fall. and each time it comes it reminds you vividly of all the times it's come before. only not so nicely as fall does. and I'm in bed. I don't like bed. it's too warm here. at least its fall. you can't keep me down for long anyway. I'll be up again before evening, because evening is too good to be sick through.

every moment that you rise

 

  

 

 

Can you believe I considered complaining? Ingratitude is surely one of the greatest sins. Am I at fault? Oh you better bet it. But don't, because you'd be taking dirty money. 

I want to take the whole world on a field trip. I want to show you the light that is shining. God is the greatest painter. He paints in light. He paints the world around us and we will see, if we look, the loveliest scenes. He paints the hearts within us and we will be, if we let Him, the loveliest beings. He can fill a human soul with light and love, and I have seen it shine. Again I come to my preoccupation with fireflies, my jealousy of light bulbs.  I want to be a light source. But I fail so frequently, I just sputter out. Well that's okay, I'll just have to try again. It took Edison several thousand tries. I guess it takes time to light up. You might say its a trial and error process.

ps. do you see venus? that made me so happy.

can't handle the day

..and that was the moment I realized, I should have stayed home today.

Give me a shank and I'll be out of here in no time.

What? When did this happen? Oh how the years sneak by, bringing with them CHANGE. Good yes, muchly. But also not so goodly. Really, when did I stop singing? When did I stop dancing? When did I stop brushing my teeth while standing on a chair in the kitchen? Is it the utter and complete lack of a certain cousinly type of the blonde persuasion? I think it a possible contributing factor. I certainly haven't had any midnight building climbs recently. But when was the last time I spewed [insert fizzy liquid here] as a result of laughing uncontrolably at a genious and strategically placed joke? One might point to the lack of a jolly green joke teller in my life, and I could say, yes, perhaps that's why. Why haven't I stayed up through the night listening to the retelling of amazing space travel and towel stories? And how is it that the world lacks 3 AM moose jokes washed down with chocolate milk, or possibly year round eggnog. Is it truly because a bearded companion remains shackled in another state, working for the government man and his government pig? I haven't been to a skate park in ages. No learning tricks from 9 year olds. No dreaming up new ways to graffitti up the place. No one on one pizza, rootbeer and park outings. Truly the absence of a tall swaggering gentleman may add to this problem. And I could attributte the sad lack of flavor to not having the people around to make it spicy.

But I don't think that's the case. It's written on the book, right on the cover. Staring me down in red and white. Why haven't I been trying to wistle? Why haven't I been up to see the sunrise? Why do my waffles fail? Because there is no love in them. There is no heart. And for a few years its been that way. Thank heavens for this summer. I am still afraid it will fall apart,  but if you hear Come on Eileen on the wind, take it as a good sign.

Let the Good Times Roll

So you leave it behind you. That burning mess. Let it burn and move on. At the time it seemed like some nice pyrotechnics. And who doesn't like those? But I've started fires before and what really matters is how fast your get away car is. Fortunately mine is blue.

Don't Shoot Tilll you See the Whites of Her Eyes

READY...AIM...FIRE!

Sincerity. It doesn't come easy. It comes at 3 in the morning after a long day of frustration, when there is nothing left to hide, and if there was there's not place left to hide it. In the mean time you and I both wish I'd find a new tree to sit under, quietly. I need a nap, I need to read my scriptures. I need to do my math.  Oh moosen.

prove it.

Q

I'm just thinking. That I want to be better. There's no reason not to be. Being a stingy mean old self is no good. Which direction am I facing? Which direction am I walking. Why can't I find the question mark>? found it. I feel stagnant, but there is no such thing. Not in this type of geometry. 

Anyway, I like this picture. It's got a lot of blue. I've been craving blue. Bright, crayola, the sky after a thunderstorm blue. I probably need to go swimming. I'd like to go swimming with fish.

that's not MY water gun

But if it were we would all be a lot cooler and lot happier right now.

sleep

nothing smarts like a missed opportunity. a missed shot, a missed chance. don't miss out, I'm telling you.

because the dictionary rocks

1. Rad 

An abbreviation of 'radical'--a term made popular by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Still primarily used by people on the West Coast who find words like 'cool', 'awesome', and 'tight' to be tired and overused; 'rad' is generally considered to be a much higher praise than the aforementioned superlatives. Also used as a general expression of awe.

"Those are some rad shoes."
"Oh, RAD."

 

2. Rad

really cool, but in a more subtle way. as opposed to extreme or awesome. one of the highest compliments you can give someone. being rad is like being cool without having to work for it. it's like a natural coolness.

"she seems quiet at first, but she's actually pretty rad when you get to know her."
"these pro skaters have it all wrong, it should be less extreme and more rad, like it was back in the day."

 

 

 

 

All Mixed Up

Today I wished myself a very Happy Halloween. Then I listened to the students argue with the professor for an hour, and finally left to go eat a doughnut with a friend. Next I helped a girl in a very desperate situation by chewing bubble gum and making loud popping noises with it. The only problem with this is that it's not fall. The point is, I'm outta here.

Rules of the Game

Net Stuff

     At no time may a player touch the net while the ball

is in play, this includes shoes, clothing or wigs.  It is not 

considered a net violation if the ball pushes the net into you.

     A player must allow the opposing team three contacts 

on the ball if the ball is completely on the opponent's side 

of the net. But if, by chance, a passed ball does break the 

plane of the net, attack it. You can reach over the net to 

block a ball that is being hit into your court. And, most

importantly, you cannot reach under the net and grab 

someone's shorts especially when they are jumping.

Monday I'm going to break some rules I had never thought to break before.

Series

Well, you may or may not know that I am what we call an amateur photographer. I have a little bit of formal education in it. But I learned from my father's example. He gave me a camera at age 11 and set me loose on the world. Anyway, I try to keep it up. So here's a recent series, just for funs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

give that girl her dessert.

wander-lust

I don't really care what the physics of it are, I just don't. Because my whole soul wants to be in five places at once. Don't talk to me about the irony or the contradictions. That's just not the point. The point is you engineers are working on all the wrong things. I don't want a new flatter smaller [insert gadget name here]. Why aren't you inventing a way for me to be in more than once place at the same time? Believe me, it would be much more useful. Then I could be in the unfortunate places that I will have to be this weekend AND at home AND at my cousins AND out in the desert AND sleeping in a snow-fort. And I would never have to be plagued by wander-lust again, becuase I could just pick up  and go exactly where I wanted, and be were I needed too. So my dear engineers, lets get cracking, cause I need to be in two places at once today.

Photo #7

 

what do you mean you don't want me up  on the roof? I'm telling you, I'm an expert climber! Look at my face, would a face like this lie? I promise, I climb alllll sorts of things. trees, dryers, fences, rocks, cars, snowmen, buildings, ropes, brothers, even an occasional ladder. really, you want me on your roof. you do.

Photos #4, #5, #6: Stanford

Photo #3

Utah Valley Marathon, the Finish Line.

Photo #2

No Mercy

Photo From Last Year #1

RAD

Zoooooooooooooom

With somethings, my dear friends, it is acceptable or even vital, to be passionate.