Broken

I've been thinking about feeling broken. I reread Sister Hollands part in the speech the Inconvenient Messiah (imbedded in a previous post, have a fun easter egg hunt) and she quoted a man on his statements of God's use of broken things. Well that man was named Vance Havner, and he said some pretty cool things.

      He said

It is a mark of the unyielded self to argue the case, to try to explain, to justify oneself. 

 Oh, I know that's been me all too often 

'For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.'' We do not classify stubbornness with iniquity and idolatry, but God does! He says, ''I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule,which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and

bridle, lest they come near unto thee'' (Ps. 32:8, 9). We are frequently compared to various animals in the Scriptures, and some of the comparisons are not very complimentary! God wanted to instruct Saul in the way he should go and guide him with His eye, but Saul was as stubborn as a mule. Someone has said that a mule is always backward about going forward. Certainly Saul would not be guided by the will of God.

Stubbornness. We must bend ourselves to God's will. It is best. It is always best. I've learned that lesson the hard way, and I don't want to make Him try to teach it to me again. Learn the lesson the first time and let it stick. 

I want to be a soul guided by God. I want to repent. 

Looking Up

Got nothing much to say about it, just don't let it get you down.

One of Those Women

One of my favorite films is Exodus with Eva Marie Saint. I think she was a lovely woman, gracious and graceful. Someone once described me with those words and I don't think I'd ever felt so complimented because it's what I'd like to be. I know a few women who remind me of this. It shines out of them in every way, from their carriage and expression, to they way they treat perfect strangers and dearest friends.

 More than anything because of the quoting of this
"I shouldn't want you to become one of those  women who drift through life, 'Fair to no purpose, artful to no end, young without lovers, old without a friend.'...Places don't mean anything, only people are important."

Life brings lessons, and occasionally I need a refresher course. 

So 

-willing to sacrifice

-loving and caring (there may be a valuable distinction there)

-gracious to others (That deserves an essay for gracious can be giving, forgiving, understanding, empathetic, genuine or... un-judging. How frustrating that the only direct antonym for judgemental is uncritical. I think there ought to be a word for it. My family often uses unassuming in it's place. I like that description and the meaning we attach to it. Not only modesty, (not assuming honors to oneself) but also not assuming faults or falsehood in others as well. 

-forgiving of self. (Sometimes we make a drama of our own mistakes, carrying them out in a way which lowers ourselves further, prevents us from helping others, and sometimes exhausting the emotional resources of others. 

Grey

Violet and gold.  Perhaps pain truly can bring out the best and most beautiful at times. Not the self inflicted, nor the self indulgent, but pain that must naturally flow. There in that struggle some of the brightest lights shine. 

Resilient.

Sometimes we forget that we are all just people. The crowd is clamorous and strange, yes, when taken as a crowd. And we hardly behave the same way in all circumstances. One adjusts, finds their peace. But crowds are made of individuals. "Every person's life is worth more than 20 minutes." 

So don't fear the crowd, and don't cast them unkind. 

They're just people as you and I. 

Home

It's just better here.

Summertime here we come.

Meant to Be's

I don't believe in it. Truthfully. I don't know that I ever have. nah. Can't happen. But I'm known for being faithless. Sure, not to any of the suckers around here. But God knows my soul. And it's not worth pesos. 

I see others composing themselves, stabilizing with that phrase, "If it's meant to be..." Meant to be? Who means it?

If all that is, is meant to be? Well fine. I'm meant to be lost. Believe it. 

But that's okay. I like to wander in the woods. And my Brothers know the ways that I take. Even when I don't. 

But you and your meant to be's? No. You can suck it.   

  I'm road tripping.

"Faith is a Gift"

You know, it's interesting the way God guides you, or teaches you, or comforts you, or reminds you, or makes you. 

For instance last night a sad thought and the rain weren't enough to turn me around. After all I'm stubborn. You know what turned me? The thought, "Why are you doing this? Wouldn't you rather be where there are people who love you?"  And back I went, to nestle my head on the shoulder of a friend, and spend my night on a couch.

Which brings me to another point of significance:
 Couches are the best place to sleep.

Be it cold leather, scratchy plaid, smooth grandma floral, or good ol' hide-a-bed, I want to be on the couch.
The Couch means there is family come home to visit.
The Couch means I'm come to visit my family.
The Couch means I'm crashing at a friends.
The Couch will one day mean we had a fight, but in spite of differences where you are is my home, so if you're sleeping on the couch, can I come too?

The Couch means Love. 

But on we must go. I woke to the birds chirping, soft light through curtains, the snug couch at my back, the smell of house plants, and the feel of an old town house. Took me 10 minutes to realize it felt like a little paradise I knew from an exchange down south. ...Islanders and Orange Blossoms.

But all that, and summoning my courage to go alone places full of uncertainty, led me to the right person. A person just suited to teach me. I heard of her a month ago, as an example to help, and then unexpectedly she is the person I'm sent to for answers. We have the same friends, we have the opposite backgrounds with the shared experiences. Questions. Answers. Tangents. Laughter. Understanding.

Best of all the message:

Our God is a Merciful God. 

Well that He is.

He is our God. 

And He is full of Love and Mercy.

  

So yeah, faith is a gift.