Midnight Ash On A Tuesday Night

this isn't a deja vu and the street won't carry your name

so go on, and leave while there is still a hope of escape. night time isn't so dim like this anymore. dividings and collidings and no brother at the park to make it stop. the trees have emptied out and the cops are on patrol, and here I'm standing with no place to go. hiding won't mean I won't be found out. and not being found out won't mean I'm free. no get away route and all get away soul.

up

You see, the problem is exhaustion. I need it. If I wanted to sleep tonight, I should have not taken a nap today. Sure, I only got a good five last night, about the same the night before, and the night before that? Two hours awake on a rock with a very bright gibbous moon, and 4 hours half asleep in a tent. Still, in order to be able to sleep at hours I ought to, that state of exhaustion is very important. Today, I ruined it. Can you imagine? Months of hard work down the drain. Hello 4 AM, how's the wife and kids?

    And what's worse? My brain is so full with all you kids give it to sort through, that it STILL wants to be up. What good does it do? All the thinking doesn't change anything, so why not ride the pillow to the end of the rainbow to oblivion? Because I can't stand it. Sleep is death still breathing.

    No, don't you worry. I'll make myself get to it, like eating vegetables or going running.   

Alright, you've been good...

wop diddily shwop

There are a number of things that it's silly to be good at...that I'm good at, frosting cookies, doctoring animals, taking people to the emergency room, balancing in precarious positions, hide and go seek, understanding people who try to talk to me while they brush their teeth, sleeping in unusual places...you get the point. Then there are things that would be useful to be good at that I'm not like math tests, dating, speaking english, or any other languages for that matter, or playing the piano. I still try though. And then there are silly things I'm not amazing at, but still really reallly REALLLLY enjoy. Today this list included: 

(1.) The satisfaction of putting a baby back to sleep by finding it's binki and reinserting it, (it's like magic!) I don't even mind waking up for it...but then again ... well you know me.
(2.) Baking surprise birthday cakes (especially when you know how to make a funfetti cake come out pink...and it's for your brother)
(3.) Doing other peoples dishes.

Point three leads to a new point. And you may question why I claim not to be amazing at this yet The binki thing I'm just still learning, the cake, well it's a bit crispy, but dishes? Well maybe you already knew this, you may have grown up watching the Brady Bunch. I did not. So as a warning... DO NOT use liquid dish-soap in the dishwasher. 

It will not go well. 

But if you ever need some really good midnight pancakes, you know where to go.

This is not a picture of Joe.

Some days, when I get the "mean reds" as was once so interestingly put, I edit photo's. It's a way of putting other thoughts out of my heart. Would you like to see what gave that little heart a pick me up today?

Basically what this picture shows is that my friends are about 100x cooler, 50x more photogenic, and 500,000,000,000,000,000x more fun to be with than your average Joe. My friend Joe for instance is much more interesting than average Joes, and a far better pianist than any John Doe that you've ever heard of, let alone met.  

This is actually from a short series I did a few weeks ago. If you kids are really good, play nice and eat all of your vegetables I'll post the rest for you at an ambiguous time that sounds likely to happen but leaves me uncommitted to anything.

Eat Me Memphis.

The task is at hand, and I am going to do it. But I'd really rather be doing something else. Anything else really. I've found lots of ways to procrastinate, but in the end, the proofs have to be written, or I have to do it all over again. It may be that I'll find myself doing it all over again anyway. As if that hasn't happened once or twice before. So I need to chill. Or perhaps the problem is that I'm so chill I've frosted right over and I'm about as fast as a glacier. "Don't worry Fred, I'm coming....I'll be there soon...just give me a decade or two." Anyway, this has been yet another productive practicing of procrastination. On to the maths.

I am fine

Two songs for you today: Insignificant, and Long December. Both by the counting crows. 

 ...I am Icarus falling...

...I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her...

 I was thinking about Andromeda.

Care. you know, it doesn't really work when it's one sided. someone died for you. but it won't save you if you don't love Him back. And He's not the only one: 

Some have compassion, making a difference. 

It may not seem to help today, but have faith. someday it may make more of a difference than you thought, and what if you had with held the compassion that could have made a difference? never suppress a kind thought kid.  pluck up the courage to love others more than you love yourself, to put your effort into healing them, than keeping yourself from harm.sometimes we need eachother more than we let on. 

to all of you thank you for the compassion

I took this one a couple of weeks back. like it?